Bring Back the Family Dinner
Picky eaters? Tempers flaring at the dinner table? Family members too busy to even sit down together?
The Family Dinner Project may help turn things around.
A nonprofit based at Project Zero at Harvard University, The Family Dinner Project has free toolkits and resources to help families of every kind revive the magic of the family meal.
Here’s just one example of such a transformation: With some help from the nonprofit, a New York family replaced its infrequent family meals with a routine of lively, delectable dinners everyone looks forward to.
At the home of the Bakers -- a pseudonym because they prefer to be private-- the family dinners had become increasingly haphazard. On top of that, the daughters, 11 and 13, were finicky, cranky, and “hormonal,” with intrusive cell phones and frequent blowups. Luckily, the parents had heard about The Family Dinner Project and reached out to it for help.
With the help of the nonprofit, family members enthusiastically drew up guidelines -- more creative meals, home-cooked dishes, less antagonism and more fun and engagement. As the nonprofit recounted, Tuesday became a special dinner night, each member took turns heading up the meal and outdoing themselves with new recipes, and dinner became an “event” replete with candles.
One daughter recalls that she sat down to the table on Tuesday in a foul mood, “but my crankiness faded with each delicious bite.” The family enjoyed their Tuesday dinners so much, in fact, that they’re considering making Sunday dinner another tradition.
How family meals help protect kids with ACEs
Despite such success stories, however, the family meal is under siege. The good news is that most American families still eat together five times a week, according to a study by the Corporation for National and Community Service. But family meals have declined by 30% over the last 20 years -- and during the same period, obesity rates have doubled.
What does this mean for kids with adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), who are at higher risk of disordered eating, obesity, and, when they get older, for high-risk behaviors like substance abuse? A lot, according to research from the American College of Pediatricians and other groups.
Simply put, family meals help protect against the toxic stress from ACEs. Not only do they give children a strong sense of belonging and security, but kids who eat five or more meals a week with their families are happier and less stressed, according to recent studies. Research shows consistent, healthy routines can help young children feel safe and trusting of the world around them -- and mealtime is one of the most important daily routines for a family.
Meanwhile, teens who frequently eat with their families are at lower risk of smoking, drinking or using other drugs, according to a 2010 study at Columbia University. In news that may surprise some parents of teens, a full 71% of the teenagers reported that talking and spending time with family members was the most important part of family dinners. On top of that, kids eating family meals are more likely to eat more fruits and vegetables and less likely to become obese.
Tips for reviving the family dinner
Here is some advice for busy parents from The Family Dinner Project:
Turn off the screens. This means cell phones, email, TV, and other devices -- and make a habit of not answering work calls during dinner.
Keep things simple. Remember those big batches of soup and casseroles our parents used to make? The nonprofit advises cooking them on the weekend and freezing them to make weekday family dinner easier.
Encourage everybody to pitch in. Little kids can tear lettuce, while the older ones help with the cooking. It not only encourages family bonding, it gives the kids practice in the kitchen.
Be flexible. Your child has a soccer match? Bring a picnic and eat together there.
Make it fun. Have the teens choose some music or encourage your little ones to make a face using carrots, beans and cherry tomatoes.
Don’t forget other meals. A nutritious breakfast is also important for healthy kids and another opportunity to catch up.
Make it count. Family dinners are one of the best times for togetherness. Tell stories, ask open-ended questions, talk about your own childhood, play games like two truths and a lie. Save potentially heated discussions for another time.
References
American Academy of Pediatrics. (2014). Adverse Childhood Experiences and the Lifelong Consequences of Trauma. American Academy of Pediatrics. Retrieved form https://www.aap.org/en-us/Documents/ttb_aces_consequences.pdf
Bolger, JM, et al. (2015, February). The Protective Role of Family Meals for Youth Obesity: 10-year Longitudinal Associations. The Journal of Pediatrics 166 (2)z
Center on Addiction, Columbia University. (2010, September). The Importance of Family Dinners. Retrieved from https://www.centeronaddiction.org/addiction-research/reports/importance-of-family-dinners-2010
Froydis, N.M. (2013). Associations between eating meals...and weight status in children, ages 10-12 years in eight European countries: the ENERGY cross-sectional study. International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity 10 (58).
Fuemmeler, BF, et al. (2009, August 22). Adverse childhood events are associated with obesity and disordered eating: Results from a US population-based study of young adults. Journal of Trauma Stress. Retrieved form https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2748336/
Goodnet.org. (2016, Mary 5). 9 Scientifically Proven Reasons to Eat Dinner as a Family. Retrieved from https://www.goodnet.org/articles/9-scientifically-proven-reasons-to-eat-dinner-as-family
Stress Health, an initiative of the Center for Youth Wellness. (n.d.) Retrieved from https//stresshealth.org
The Family Dinner Project. (n.d.). Harvard University, Project Zero. Retrieved from https://thefamilydinnerproject.org/
